Edd's Hunger Games Journal
by Anititransubstantiationalist
Summary: The cast of Ed, Edd n Eddy have been placed in the Hunger Games. Who will win? Rated T for violence.
1. Day 1: Begin the Fighting

I had no idea where I was going. I was simply running. The battle had begun and I was running for my life. They had sent 20 of us at the school, 10 boys and 10 girls, into this big arena. We had to fight to the death.

I looked behind me and saw Eddy, my friend, following me.

"You're trying to kill me?" I sputtered out at him.

"Not at this second," he said. "I want to help you."

"Sorry, Eddy. I'm flying solo right now."

Eddy stopped and watched me run off.

I ran off into the nearby woods, and night fell eventually.

There were 20 people fighting to the death. Me (my name's Eddward; I know, weirdorama), my friends Ed, Eddy, Jonny and my cousin Ben, Rolf, Plank, Kevin, Eddy's Brother and Jimmy were the boys chosen. The girls were Sarah, May, Nazz's cheerleader friend, Carol (a girl who briefly went out with Eddy last year; it ended in court), Andrea (Plank's cousin; she actually was a real human being which makes me wonder about things), another cheerleader, Lee, Marie, Kuku (Rolf's sister from 'zee old counturee'), and-

And Nazz. Oh God.

If it came down to the two of us the only survivors, I don't know if I could kill her. I can't…

The cannon rang and I found myself looking into the sky and seeing who that day died, and why they did so.

Lee's dead. She was gored, cut, burned, amputated, decapitated, and just about anything bad that ever happened to anyone ever. I hated her, but I didn't want her to die THAT violently.

Eddy's Brother showed up with a slit throat. Even though he is my best friend's brother, I felt no sympathy.

Nazz's cheerleader friend's dead. She was shot, but didn't die right away. Blood loss.

There was a slight pang somewhere in my heart when my cousin Ben showed up. Gored. Who is it that likes to gore people?

Then they did the survivors and their strategies so far. 'So it can be fair' I think I heard someone say about it. Bah.

It showed me, and it said N/A under my strategy.

Ed: N/A.

Eddy: Sneaking up and slicing. So Eddy got his brother. Nice.

Jonny: N/A.

Rolf: Goring. So Rolf is the slaughterhouse. I never believed he would have lasted beyond the first day, so it was a bit of a shock.

Plank: Acting like a chicken. Nice going, Plank. This is what I thought as the cannon rang out again, and Plank showed up. He had died because he 'suffocated on air'. Nice.

Kevin: N/A.

Jimmy: N/A for now, but has been seen with dagger. Dagger? I look uneasily to my left, right, up, down, and every other direction.

Nazz: N/A.

Sarah: Gun. I never would have thought it, he thinks sarcastically.

The rest of the girls were all N/A except for Kuku, who had teamed up with Rolf. There was a cheesy 'that is all', and the lights were off.

I knew I couldn't sleep (at least not in an open space) so I kept walking.


	2. Day 2: The Sword

I must have fallen down, because the next thing I know, I'm on the ground waking up. My knee hurt, but no time for that now. I have a tournament to win.

I kept walking (and thinking about Nazz) when I tripped over something.

It was a sword, exactly like one of those Persian ones Eddy showed me once.

Eddy. Sneaking up on people.

I started running for no reason, carrying the sword, and I heard footsteps behind me. Knowing perfectly well I could outrun Eddy, I started running faster.

I eventually came to a mountain (not a mountain, just a really tall hill), and I started climbing up it.

It was night again when I got to the very top. The view I had here, I could see anybody coming from a mile off, as if they were little ants.

I looked at my sword. I got out my lucky Swiss army knife (which I had forgotten about until just now; don't judge me, I was in a high state of pressure) and carved my name into the side of it.

EDDWARD.

I looked up, as the stats had begun.

There was now a strategy under me: Sword-play and knife-play. They have cameras all over the place, so they must have seen me.

Ed: Hand-to-Hand combat. Nice job Ed.

Eddy's was the same. Jonny was N/A still. Rolf was still the slaughterhouse. Kevin was also hand-to-hand combat.

I was shocked when I saw Jimmy's: lobotomy. For those who don't know lobotomy is this awful treatment they had a while ago where they cut out a part of your brain and leave you brain-dead. I shudder.

Nazz must have also found a sword, because it says sword-play and knife-play under hers too: I must confess, I'm the guilty one here: I gave her a knife a couple of days before this started.

Everyone else's was still the same. Brief thought of who was lobotomized, and I got to sleep.


	3. Day 3: Edd's First Killing

The next day I woke up and I saw an unlikely person next to me. It was Marie. Her hair had been shaved off, and I saw the word 'Jimmy' carved into her skull. She had been lobotomized. I felt pity for her, and I decided no one should live like this. I closed my eyes, one swipe of my sword, something heavy fell to the ground beside me, and I was sprayed with a liquid I knew too well to be blood.

I had killed a person. I was a murderer.

That night, Marie's picture showed up and it said 'Decapitation' on what had killed her. Then it said May teamed up with Sarah and Jonny had joined the slaughterhouses, and that was all.

I heard somebody say my name somewhere. In the distance. I couldn't tell.


	4. Day 4: Kevin's Madness

The next morning, I woke up to find Kevin next to me. He was bloodied, more blood on his face and neck than on any other part of his body.

"You killed her," he said, and charged at me. By instinct, I raised my sword up to stop him, I closed my eyes, heard a gush, an 'Oog…' and Kevin fell to the ground dead at my knees.

That night after Kevin was deemed 'impaled' I saw that that other cheerleader was dead (gored) and Andrea and Carol had joined the slaughterhouses. I wondered where Nazz was, hoping with all of my heart that Jimmy hadn't gotten to her first.


	5. Day 5: Slaughterhouses

The next day I found Ed.

"You try to kill me?" I asked.

"You trying to kill _me?_" asked Ed.

"No," we said simultaneously.

"Wanna team up?" I asked.

"Sure. Where's Eddy?" he asked.

"Don't know."

We both looked up at the horizon for some reason, and we saw the 5 slaughterhouses coming our way.

They started running. Ed and I stood our ground. There was a brief shuffle, and Jonny and Andrea were both dead. The others retreated.

I looked up at the hill I was on the other day. I saw two figures on it. Even though they were far off, I could tell they were both girls. It had to be Sarah and May.

One of them, I could tell, looked at Jonny's dead body- one moment's hesitation had earned him Ed's attack- and raised the gun. I cannot bring myself to describe what happened next.

That night it was reported that Jonny (beaten), Rolf (impaled) and Sarah (suicide) had died. I never would have guessed it.


	6. Lobotomization

I woke up in the middle of the night that night, and I heard a sound. I looked to my left. Jimmy was there, and he had his knife. And he was cutting on Ed's head.

"Hey!" I screamed, and he ran off. I went over to Ed.

Lobotomized. A pang to my stomach. He was my friend, and I didn't want him to suffer. I had to put him out of his misery. Right after I swung my sword, May stood next to me.

"What happened?" she asked.

"He was lobotomized by Jimmy," I told her.

She then ran off.


	7. Day 6: Disappearance

The next day, not much happened to me. But that night I learned that Jimmy had lobotomized Carol. May had killed her. Yet I wondered where Nazz was. She seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth.


	8. Day 7: The Death of Rolf

The next day, I woke up to the sound of running. I looked, and I saw Rolf and Kuku running towards me, screaming. I yelped quickly, and scatted out of the way. I looked back, and saw the tool that gored them all: A long pole-like spear.

I climbed up a nearby tree and looked down at them.

"You can die now or later," said Rolf. He raised his spear, poised to throw it at his only target: me.

"But I'm your friend! Remember?"

He hesitates for a split second, and I use that second to throw my spear. It hits him dead-on in the chest, going through him. He fell, and Kuku ran off.

That night I heard of Kuku's suicide. Now there were only five of us. Me, Eddy, Jimmy, Nazz and May.

Who would be next?


	9. Day 8: When Edd Woke Up

When I woke up the next morning, I saw a body sprawled out about 50 yards away. It was May: she had been lobotomized. And carved on her forehead: _I'm watching you. J_

I killed May out of mercy and looked at the hill. It was strange, but I had never left it. And on the top, I could see a figure. It had blonde hair and glasses. It was watching me.

Then Jimmy came out of a bush to my left and attempted to put a knife to my head. Wordlessly and soundlessly, I pulled out my Swiss army knife. It caught him right in the gut, and he fell.

I looked back at the top of the mountain where the figure was, but it had already gone. Only three of us left, and I wanted to kill neither. One was my friend, the other the girl I liked.

Then I heard a rustle behind me, and figuring it was Eddy, I spun around, knife still in hand. But it was not him, it was her.

"I don't want to kill you," she said.

"I don't want to kill you either," I said. She looked at me, and got a knife out. The one I had given her. She put it to her own throat. I did the same.

"On three," I said.

She nodded.

_One._

So Eddy had won.

_Two._

I looked into her eyes, and she looked into mine. We smiled at each other.

_Three._


	10. The News

NEWS

It has come to our knowledge that Eddy Skipper McGee has won the Hunger Games. To wherever Eddy may be now, we offer him our congratulations.

Here are the top ten results:

1st- Eddy (winner)

2nd- Nazz (suicide)

3rd- Edd (suicide)

4th- Jimmy (stabbed)

5th- May (lobotomization; mercy killing)

6th- Kuku (Rolf's cousin- suicide)

7th- Rolf (impaled)

8th- Carol (Eddy's old girlfriend- lobotomization; mercy killing)

9th- Ed (lobotomization; mercy killing)

10th- Sarah (suicide)


End file.
